Learning How to Find a Mate: Self-Directed learning and On-Line Dating ()
1. Introduction
“Everyone has to have a ‘name’ on the internet (these dating internet sites), and I think mine was something like, ‘lonely girl,’ (laughing), you always learn a lot as you continue, but you never know how another person will react, or how they will be, it is sort of a fun, exciting, romantic, late life adventure.” (Participant in this study.)
There is an increase in the use of the internet and there is an increase in the number of folks over 55. This has led to more seniors using the internet for various and unique reasons. Among these is the use of the internet in order to find someone to communicate with, or to spend time with, or even to marry. This situation of using the internet for dating is not without peril. There may be difficulty in utilizing the dating website, there is the possibility of “scamming” situations, and in general an overall risk of exposure to questionable situations may occur.
Bookstores may showcase quixotic and meretricious views of aging with tantalizing ideas. These may include various injections, pills, exercise, philosophy, and the latest medical inventions in order to extirpate this unpopular topic. Yet the reality of the aging process indicates that becoming widowed, or getting closer to death, or a weakening body is usually overlooked, ignored, or shunned. These are not popular topics in comparison to getting younger by learning the “tango”.
The older generation is also situated with more potential problems than younger generations. Some of the more common issues include a general decline in physical and mental health, finances, and social isolation. Social isolation is misunderstood, often overlooked, and loneliness is not a popular topic. Living alone with all of its complicated issues can create situations that may leave the individual vulnerable to scheming minds and fraud. If one adds to the mix cognitive decline, as well as common physical issues of arthritis as well as other common topics of heart disease, poor diet, hypertension, all can combine to create a vulnerable situation.
Although there are some solutions for these situations, many seniors are not taking advantage of this. Perhaps it’s easier to ignore the fact of my own mental decline if I do not attend a class at the local library. Even participating in solutions for seniors is also admitting that someone is getting older and the life is more vulnerable. There are a host of activities, libraries, organizations, hospitals, and churches offering a variety of programs for seniors, and this may be scarcer in rural areas. If the individual prefers, there are some unique applications for the mobile phone or computer that many older adults are utilizing.
One of the challenges of aging is becoming alone, especially after marriage. Remarriage presents its own set of adaptations, finding a mate, learning how to date as an older adult, meeting and joining another family are all conundrums to be solved. Self-directed learning (SDL) has been a topic of concern for many years showing how folks figure out problems, find solutions, or solve their own particular trials. In particular, life may be even more difficult in areas that are rural and remote or small towns, where someone may be more isolated. The internet has changed all of this by connecting millions of users. Rather than being sequestered due to old age, and its deleterious ennui, the perspicacious older adult is learning to do what is necessary to adjust and adapt.
The purpose of this study is to understand more about how one individual utilized self-directed learning (SDL) in order to solve an isolation problem. Further we wanted to know how this fits into two models, Self Directed Learning Process of Older Adults (Roberson & Merriam, 2005), and The Inside/Outside Model (Roberson, 2017). In particular, I focused on how one woman has found a husband. The participant in this sample wanted to remarry however she lived in an isolated and rural area. Her attempt to find a mate was not working out, so she began to search for her goal of a suitable husband over the internet. This research is an analysis of this self-directed learning process. Her previous husband of forty years died, leaving her alone in an empty house and a rural small town. Further complicating this, her two grown children lived away and were somewhat removed from her life.
The internet was convenient, accessible at home, and at one’s own time and energy. In this case the loneliness of bereavement motivated our subject to learn what she needed to learn in order to find a new life partner. This research is important because of the common issue of losing a life mate, the number of women outliving men, and for explaining more about how the internet may be utilized in order to solve one’s personal problems.
Furthermore, it is important to consider this intersection of widowhood, the internet, and internet dating. Most of the adult population is married, although some relationships may not be fulfilling; the comfort of living with another person may be more fulfilling than being alone. The internet has been around since the sixties, and only since 1990 has it seeped into the daily life of the population. Although its acceptance was not as fast as once projected, it has slowly woven its way into the daily life of many people, and especially those who can afford the service, or those who can understand and want to use it. Seniors have been one of the last to begin to use this service for various reasons. Internet dating allows for a simple and easy way for those who want to meet someone without going to some of the previous measures.
2. Review of Literature
Martinson (2019) describes a new type of aging. Reflecting ideas of a positive outlook, this paper is allaying our trepidations and fears of getting older. This philosophical perspective is asking us to review how we consider aging and to realize the positive benefits of being older. He/she focuses on possible changes in one’s character as a result of aging, such as playfulness, purpose, core relationships, and being present. He/she takes the senior to a new level of importance such as esteem in the community.
Young and Caplan (2010) go into detail explaining the difficulty of the death of a married partner, this includes emotional grief, as well as the enigmatic nuances of remarriage. In this look at the profiles of participants on a dating website, it was shown how the act of personal promotion on a website helps the individual to explore their experience and consider the creation of a new identify.
Howard Morris, Brandi, Hodge, Hoggan-Kloubert, Milana (2024) discuss the overall impact of lifelong learning, especially regarding social justice. Although acknowledging its use by those in power, the implications of self-directed learning (SDL) can be for everyone. The disadvantaged are able to improve their situations in life due to the implications of SDL.
Addressing this social situation, McLean (2014) brings out the popularity of self-help books despite their truthful content as well as its questionable material. This reading is often sought by self-directed learners who are pursuing some new learning goal. Regardless of its research or claims, its popularity indicates there is an impact of this material. They are used especially in promoting positive emotions, relating to others, or greater success in personal life or at work.
Bauta (2020) discusses the importance of having a mother in the home. Even after the experience of widowhood, it is imperative for a return of the healthy widow. The widowed individual is often the focus of the family’s economic and social dimension. For many there is a religious dynamic that has helped those who have lost someone. If the widow does not recover from their loss, it may contribute to difficulty in the family, such as poverty or the neglect of children. This is especially true in second and third world countries; non-profit organizations have been helpful in this negative situation.
Matei (2003) delves into the dynamic of the internet and social media, as well as its role in remarriage. The world is undergoing social change, even transforming itself due to the easy access of the internet. Even though statistics reflect a weakening status of traditional marriage, the internet provides simple and convenient solutions for remarriage, dating, and maintaining friends.
Cowley (2020) discusses the more difficult topics within divorce, reminding the reader of the disorienting experience of a divorce. This change in one’s life, or rearrangement of previous vows forces those involved to answer difficult questions. According to this paper many are guilty from changing the marriage vow, and some have a difficulty in their identify after such a public and solemn ceremony. Also children, possessions, and finance and the court can greatly complicate this issue.
Bowen’s (2024) work highlights the hermeneutical virtue of patience, according to Kierkegaard. This appropriate perspective seems adequate for a similar situation of waiting for the right partner after the loss of one. This is especially appropriate when other factors are involved such as on-line dating, issues of the computer, travel, and dealing with one’s grief.
In a previous paper, Roberson (2023) describes a historical perspective of self-directed learning. Lindeman (1928/1961) states that “education is life” (p. 4). This experience of the daily life of the self-directed individual was to improve self as well as to change the social order.
Education can be an attempt to negate the various forms of authority situation of one’s daily life. This road to freedom involves a greater degree of self-knowledge by understanding that personal frustrations and barriers are often self-constructed. One’s education can be the context for personal creativity that prevents boredom and helps create what Lindeman describes as a beautiful life. Houle (1984) describes goal-oriented learner is the one who attempts to use education in a way to meet a need or interest.
Self-planning is the predominant means of adult learning because of a variety of reasons (Tough, 1971). One, the learner knows what is the best course of action, or two, he/she would lose time by consulting someone else, may not trust others, or they may be more highly skilled than others. Third, the learner decides details of the learning activity and is prepared to pay the cost. Adding to this information a recent research from Watson and Stelle (2021) when older adults are listing their attributes over the dating site they often included one’s marital status, leisure activities, a focus on one’s positive characteristics, especially often listing being kind, compassionate, friendly, and family focused. Additionally, women sought an honest partner who would also be involved in leisure activities with them. Men sought women who were physically attractive and would provide emotional support. These attributes would be confirmed through phone calls and possibly a meeting face to face.
People today are meeting one another as a result of the internet. Various topics such as social anxiety, self-disclosure, long term physical and emotional intimacy, are all being discussed as a result of this on line dating. Helping to set aside ageism and barriers, these topics are allowing the older adult to change their life and thrive by finding someone to be with (Cheung et al., 2015; Fileborn et al., 2015; Rosenfeld, Thomas, & Hausen, 2019; Stephure et al., 2009, Valkenburg & Peter, 2007).
Figure 1. Inside/outside model of aging (Roberson, 2017).
People usually arrive at old age with continuous internal and external battles these developmental tasks often arrive at a time when one is ready to learn. “When the body is ripe, and society requires, and the self is ready to achieve a sensitive task, the teachable moment has come” (Havighurst, 1972: p. 7). He states there are three developmental tasks for the older adult—new social affiliation, new social roles, and new living arrangements. He had his pulse on the older adult, naming tasks that were significant in the senior’s life.
The popular ideas of Baltes and Baltes (1990) incorporate an integrative paradigm of selection, optimization, and compensation to explain how older adults have blended the physical, social, and mental dynamics of one’s life to adjust. This choosing to cut back (selection), choosing something positive (optimization), and choosing something to help (compensation) seems to be the repeated theme of development and successful aging. Many of these ideas contribute to the concept that aging is a viable and resilient possibility, rather than a punitive, baleful, or ignominious time (Figure 1).
One model that (continues to develop) helps to explain various issues in one’s life was organized by Roberson (2017). As one can discern, the internal part of the person’s life, is controlled through their personal mental strength, part of this is one’s personal health. This would include choosing a positive attitude, or choosing to exercise, or eat well, and pursuing healthy habits for one’s life. And this precariously depends on the internal dynamic of one’s health, especially how much time is left. The individual is surrounded by a host of situations which may be out of their control and must be dealt with by the person. This includes one’s family, friends, and community. This results in a continuous back and forth between positive and negative issues that overall affect the way the individual is aging (Figure 2).
Another insight from Roberson and Merriam (2005), explains the way this learning occurs. Either there is an internal or external motivation for learning. One is motivated to learn some topic, so they begin this process, and then they will access resources, make some adjustments in the learning, and then come to a conclusion. This happens much faster if it is an external incentive, yet an internal one is never concluded until the participant feels they have acquired the knowledge they need. Often there is a catalyst or serendipitous event that spur on this process.
Self directed learning describes the style of learning of many adults. The latest digital tools can enhance this process of SDL (Liu & Zhang, 2024), students with a better SDL experience are learning to a greater extent (Huang & He, 2023). Poudel, Wang and Shah (2024) found that explaining SDL among medical students was helpful in promoting lifelong education, which is crucial in most professional situations. Kassymova et al. (2025) discuss artificial intelligence and SDL. Incorporated correctly it can guide, enhance, and add to the researcher’s work. Especially with this growing demand of new technology there is a new focus for learning more about this combination of SDL and artificial intelligence (Teymori & Hadian, 2024). The self-directed learner will benefit from the flexibility of this learning, especially an incorporation of new technology with the balance of critical thinking.
Figure 2. The process of self-directed learning.
3. Research/Methodology
The purpose of this study is to understand how the participant ameliorated her problem, in short, how did this one individual find a new husband. In particular, the researcher wanted to know how this related to the process of self-directed learning as well as the inside/outside model of aging (Roberson & Merriam, 2005; Roberson, 2017). Research questions included the following—what was this process, how was this carried out, what advice would you give for another in a similar situation?
This social science research has focused on the life experience of one individual. Although there are limits to a single subject design, yet this unique sample of one included lengthy interviews, “rich and thick data”, and previous knowledge of the participant by the researcher. The researcher has known the individual in the study for forty years and has spent time with her and her family in various casual situations. This familiarity with the sample created an environment of trust, openness, authenticity and confidence in sharing important details concerning the purpose of the study.
This case study of one reflects a unique way to study a phenomenon. It allows for details and individual nuances to be discovered because of the amount of time involved in this study. The deep insight in this study is a result of the length of time the participant has been known and the trust created by knowing one another. The researcher is also from this area, allowing for the culture and background of the individual to be better understood. The amount of familiarity has led to unique insights, truthful information, and an open atmosphere. The informal interviews allowed for various modifications based on the purpose of the study and the research questions, further probing questions were tolerated because of the trust already built between the researcher and the sample.
The credibility of this research is further triangulated because of a member check, I am also a gerontologist, and I have experience conducting interviews. An experienced researcher will be careful of the Hawthorne Effect as well as researcher bias. These were both reduced due to keeping a focus on the research questions and by allowing the participant to review and to correct the writing of this research. This member check took place after the paper was finished, and the participant read and approved the entire research. Further it should be noted that as a gerontologist I was prepared for various nuances within this research, especially the dynamics of the aging process that portrayed itself within the interviews. This occurred when barriers to finding a mate, loneliness, and emotional areas were discussed. Setting aside ageist ideologies, I could rather focus on the participant and the self-directed learning process instead of the emotional dynamics of losing someone you loved as well as living a lonely life. I was able to integrate the dynamic of the situation representing public health and aging because of previous training. Due to traditional scientific implications, there may be a lack of generalizability; however, the strength of this research is the scientific analysis of someone who is utilizing on-line dating platforms to find a future partner.
4. Interview Results and Quotes
The individual in this study discussed several findings. 1. Gaining a husband was a long and repetitive process. 2. The individual who is pursuing a partner over the internet must be cautious. 3. In order to find a new partner over the internet be prepared to do this alone, one may not have support from their family or friends. 4. From the beginning, one must be clear and know what one wants as a result of this process.
I have included the following direct quotes from the individual. These bits of data answer the purpose of the study and the research questions.
“This was a long process, this on-line dating, and it is the same thing over and over. The most important I think is to know yourself, and who you are. Know what you are wanting in a husband. All you have to do is to google, on line dating, and you will find all of these web sites that you can pursue someone, all options, man looking for woman, woman looking for man, man looking for man, woman looking for woman, and on and on. There is money involved, and you will have to sign some type of contract with them, before you begin to use the site. So be prepared to spend some money for this.”
“I had two or three contracts (with on line dating companies), and they are all negotiated according to what you are doing on the website. Never agree on the first contract they offer you; it can always be lowered. I think that for me, two websites stand out, ‘E Harmony’ and ‘Match.com’ are the best, and most expensive, but they are worth it. And at this time, four years ago, I was paying fifty dollars a month for each.”
“There are other web sites also, for example you will come across a ‘Christian’ website for dating, and of course I was trying to do this one, because I am Christian, so, I am sure around the world, there are others according to your faith if that is important, but these Christian ones were the worst, they are cheaper, and they had a lot of scams, and problems with the websites. As I said for me, the overall best was E Harmony. But I was using all of them that I was paying for. Eventually I became involved with six to seven men over the internet, and I actually dated three of them. It (the on line dating site) becomes a safe place to communicate, until you feel safe enough to give more personal data. Which mainly is your phone number, as soon as you give out your phone number, really, the use of the web site is over. And they know, (the providers), they can see through your messaging, that you have given a phone number, and then the internet site is over. Once you have the phone you will not want to use the website.”
“The most important is to be honest, and truthful, and nice. You will meet a lot of people, if you want, and you will hear a lot of stories. This is the ‘work‘ that is involved, the time you spent on the phone, but for me, it was enjoyable, I liked it, meeting new men, and here (where I live), there was nowhere to meet anyone like this.”
“Something that is helpful, is that the websites for dating, have a lot of choices, or parameters, that you can use to find the person you want to find, for example, age, or widowed, or never married, children, no children, etc.”
“I was at a disadvantage being in a small town. There was no place to meet anyone, not really, and this is the problem in rural areas, that the internet has changed so much, so if you are not on the internet then you can do nothing, but if you are willing to go on the internet then you are having the potential to meet others and the world can open up to you. Anyone can change, you can change, I was alone, I was widowed, no children here, and I needed to meet someone, I wanted to be married, and this was a way; even though I was by myself, or somewhat shy, or quiet, or not so outgoing, this provided a way.”
“I spent a lot of time on this (project to find a husband) as I have said earlier, especially talking at night, people tend to be busy during the day, and many people might would enjoy this talking at night with someone, especially if you are looking for someone, like a telephone date. This gave me something to do, and gave me the direction of what I wanted, to find a husband.”
“For me, I was looking for a husband, I was not looking for people to date here and there. I am more conservative. And so, I said very explicitly that I was not interested in ‘friends with benefits’ if you know what I mean (laughing). The more comfortable I became with this, it was truly liberating and eye opening, you could literally go out every night, the possibilities are endless, even in this small rural area. The entire area is full of people who are looking for someone. But like I said, I was not interested in just going out and having sexual relations with anyone, I wanted to find a husband and be settled, so I made this clear with everyone. This is truly the solution for everyone to find someone.”
“There are a lot of misconceptions about this on-line dating, but not with someone who has done it, this on-line dating is something for everyone who is open to this way. Several times I became tired of it, all of it, and I would just forget it for a while, maybe I was doing something with my children, or going to my other house, or I was somehow distracted and then I would remember it, and pick it back up; it was something like a comfortable, easy way to get yourself involved in a social relationship again with a man.”
“As I said before, you must think about what type of person do you want, and I had already decided my top priority was to find a man who loved God first. Of course, it is a two-way program it has to work both ways, he was ready to marry almost instantly, but we did wait a while.”
“I had heard about on line dating from something, a commercial on television, my husband had been dead for a while, and I saw this, and then I was interested, I was not liking single life, I enjoyed being married, and having someone, and later, I heard someone else I knew, had spoken about it, or had used it to find someone, so then I thought I would try it.”
“When you are doing this, you must be careful when actually meeting someone, and as far as that goes you must be very careful when you give someone your phone, or even address, you must be cautious, and waiting, until you feel you can trust this person; never at the beginning meet this person alone, the first time I met with ____ I had my good friend, to come by and make sure everything is ok. And it was great, it made me feel very good, that she came and saw us, and like it was some sort of secret, love espionage program taking place (laughing).”
Second interview
“Everyone has to have a ‘name’ on the internet (these dating internet sites), and I think mine was something like, ‘lonely girl,’ (laughing), you always learn a lot as you continue, but you never know how another person will react, or how they will be, it is sort of a fun, exciting, romantic, late life adventure.”
“As I said earlier, be careful, be yourself, know what you want, and realize this is a lot of work.”
“There are many lonely seniors who are not pursuing to find someone, you must take some action, and most important also, if anyone mentions money (asking you for money), then you can cut them off, or block them, also report them to the organization, that is, if someone is asking you for money.”
“It is also sometimes frustrating, you are starting with someone brand new, and you are pouring yourself out to them, and then it may not work, or it may, you have to live with this frustration, or ambivalence, and something I have not mentioned before, each site that you use, I used I think three of them, you have to learn how to work it, you have to learn to work the website, otherwise you won’t be able to find someone, and remember it took a lot of time, of talking on the phone, plus on the website it is a lot of hours I spent doing this.”
“Realize each person and situation is different, and you will learn a lot while you are doing this, it was like my job, I was determined to find someone, so this became like my work to find someone, and it took me 200 - 300 hours to do it (laughing), or three years.”
“Men who are widows want to have someone like their wife, men who are divorced are just angry, after I met (the person I wanted to be with), we were married in five months, it all fell in place, except for family; we waited on our family, to come join us, but they did not, so we went ahead, they did not cooperate. I realized my two children did not want this, not sure why, in fact they have a block against my husband! And their father has been dead this, ten years. It is sad, we have lost that, with my children, his (children) (the new man I married) are more open, dealing with adult children is always different, maybe get involved with the entire family before.”
5. Discussion
This participant has similarly proceeded through this model of self-directed learning as described by Roberson and Merriam (2005). She internally wanted a change from bereavement to a different type of life, and away from the emptiness of her husband’s absence. She was internally motivated to find someone. The participant said, “Right, and my online name was ‘lonely-girl,’ and I was planning on spending the time and the work to find the right person.” According to the model, she decided she was interested and began the process of self-directed learning. First, she began to access resources through the internet; she joined several on line dating programs. “I think I was at one time a member, paying member of three on line dating groups, and I would scroll through the folks there, and learn about them, and decide who to send a message to. It was a lot of work and a lot of effort. But then someone would respond back, and it became sort of fun.” Following this model, she began more systematic attention; she would spend many hours pursuing various people she had met on the dating web site. This took place through an exchange of messages and then would culminate in a phone call. “In this area it was very hard to meet anyone new, so eventually I was meeting several new men in which I was interested in, I enjoyed it, and these phone calls.” She continued these adjustments in the process, such as meeting in public, not talking about certain topics, and systematically searching for more people. During this self-directed process of learning, there is usually a catalyst that helps to speed up the process. For this participant one catalyst was hearing someone she respected describe how they had also become involved in on-line dating. She was tired of living alone, even though she had friends, she wanted again to marry. The process continued over the years until she found her goal, a marriage that she was comfortable and happy with.
Also an appropriate model from Roberson (2017) is the Inside/Outside Model of Aging. The individual in this research is surrounded by several constraints, late life adjustments, her community, loss of partner, and events out of her control. For example, her husband started to have neural failure, and they lived in a small town without much support. Both children were adults and had their own families and lived far away. Becoming widowed was not something the participant was considering at this time in her life. Several situations presented itself similar to the Inside/Outside Model, for example, internally she was determined and ready to find another partner. However, surrounding her, there was the death of her husband, lack of true help from her community or friends in finding a mate. Yet in her environment was also a tool, the internet, that could help an estranged individual to locate others that may be suitable for marriage. Internally she became motivated to action, mentally she chose to act. She had the internal health and the means in order to proceed with this process. She explained, “This was really an internal and individual process. No one was helping me. I already knew how to work on the computer, and I was familiar with the on-line internet. So, actually it was easy, once you learn how to work the system, and you pay the money, it was not difficult at all. A lot easier than any other way.”
6. Conclusion
The purpose of the study is to understand how the individual in this study found a new husband. This research is not about the institution of marriage, male/female gender or similar social issues; rather this research is an intersection of information about the internet, widowhood, personal learning, and motivation. This research has indicated how simple it can be to find a new partner, but also that there are several steps that one must learn to negotiate. The individual in this study has stated there were various issues that must take place before one will arrive at a similar situation as her.
These include the following: 1. There is a long process, 2. This process is repetitive, 3. One must know what they want to achieve as a result of on-line dating, and 4. One must learn how to use the on-line dating site. We will consider each of these.
1) There is a long process. The participant emphasized that in order to find someone to live with, or marry, then one must be willing to do the work of a long process, which is to find the suitable mate. She further explained that she spent close to 200 - 300 hours over a course of three years on the “work” of finding a new mate for life.
2) The process is repetitive, the same thing over and over again. Basically, one repeatedly proceeds through the internet process, of stating the parameters, and then one must learn the process of using the computer. Eventually the searcher narrows down the choices, it is a game of back and forth, someone has to respond to your invitations, and then the participant decides to make contact usually by calling the person. There is usually an exchange of each person’s life history. The participants will get to know one another until a decision is make to pursue or end the contact.
3) The participant emphasized one must be clear about reasons for this involvement. She stated, “I knew that I wanted to find a husband who loved God. I was not interested in making new friends, or having friends with favors, for me it was important that I married, so I had to move away from the other who wanted ‘friends with favors.’” This is a clear reference that many seniors meet simply for friendship and sexual pleasure or just to be with someone temporarily. The participant emphasized the need to be cautious by not giving out personal information and meeting in a public area until one feels more comfortable with the person.
4) It is important to learn how to negotiate the website of the dating service. This can be a safe and easy access to a future partner. There are no more awkward introductions, no more setting of dates from friends, or the continuous “I would like for you to meet someone.” With on-line dating, one has control over her/her future because on this particular information, or website, one can see all of the people who her/she may eventually marry. This new freedom, has enabled many women to find a new husband. However, with any website it takes time in order to understand the dynamics of the website as well as understanding the payment.
As a result of this study, we can make the following three points summary:
With online dating, someone can locate another marriage partner or to date or simply be with another person.
Someone has to spend time, energy, resources, and learn how to use the internet and the computer.
Self-directed learning is a normal adult activity in order to help to meet the needs of one’s life.
The world alleges seniors are finished with the main parts of life. One ageist idea is they need to step aside for the younger generations to thrive. This rampant ideology is daily vitiated by older adults who are taking advantage of the internet to find one to be with. This is especially true of those who have lost their life partner. Rather than remaining misfit, these senior consumers are defying the impish hordes of greedy scandals and learning how to negotiate the demands of the internet. Surprisingly they are locating several others doing the same. And as in the case of this research, this frustrated widow was able to change her life because she learned how to find a new partner over this new modern social platform.
The implications of this study are important to consider. There is a need for information on this matter to be relayed to public health officials and their various initiatives. As mentioned earlier, there is a host of stereotypes about older adults and remarriage. There is a need to educate the public on the importance of finding and searching for companions or a mate instead of remaining in isolation. Further there is a need to educate others concerning digital programs that promote on-line dating. Libraries, Learning in Retirement, places of worship, local senior centers, and various senior programs could regularly offer seminars on this topic as well as promoting socials for seniors to meet. Lastly there is a need to educate segments of our society to the needs of widowers, widows, and those who are living alone. There needs to be more acceptance and openness for remarriage and places for seniors to meet others.